02 - Are you exhausted from doing “all the things”? Self-care burnout is real!

When you think of self-care what comes to mind? Drinking a gallon of water every day, getting a massage, meditating for hours, journaling each day, 30-mins of exercise, gratitude list, nightly 10-step skincare routine, closing all your circles on your Apple watch? This list can go on and on and on and on… I know for myself when I reflect on the self-care activities I want to do and need to do each day to best support myself I even start to get a little stressed out! I believe we can even experience burnout from attempting to do “all the things”

I am here to tell you, yes self-care is amazing and can be helpful to one's mental health. That’s absolutely true! However, it is not going to give you the benefits you want if it feels like a chore. This is why I believe one must first achieve the basics before we even start getting fancy with the footwork if you will. 

So what are the basics? In my book, it’s these 4 things: sleep, nutrition, movement, and joy. And when I list those 4 things I mean them in the most basic ways. Remember we are not going to get fancy with them until we can do each constantly and without thought, they are simply a part of your lifestyle. 

Sleep. I am highly protective of my sleep, this is a nonnegotiable. And, if you have ever worked with me as your therapist you will know I am also very protective of your sleep! Here is what I am asking of people when I say they need to get good sleep. For starters, I am looking for clients to get about 8 hours per night. Now, if you are someone who works best on 6 or 10 hours, I am okay with that, I am a reasonable person. But typically I am looking for 8 hours. How do you achieve this? Set a routine. I like to start backward. When do you need to be up each day? Generally, it should be about the same time each day. Our bodies like predictability. Then count back 8 hours from that wake-up time. BOOM! That is when you need to be asleep. Not going to sleep, I mean like asleep-asleep. So, what I then do next is add 30 minutes to 1 hour of buffer time. This is a great time to get ready for bed, read a book, or listen to a meditation. Anything to help you settle before the lights-out time hits. 

Nutrition. Are you getting enough to eat and hydration each day? May of us get into a go go go when we wake up. Resulting in us putting off meals and living off caffeine until we finally crash around dinner time and then eat until uncomfortable. Now that may be an extreme example, but far too many times I have heard clients report that this is what their daily nutrition looks like. I am a therapist and not trained in nutrition. I can not give advice or recommendations in this area. But here is what’s known: average women should be getting about 2,000 cals per day and men need 2,500 (remember this is a minimum, you most likely need far more), eat a variety of foods, meals should be made up of carbs, fat, and protein, preferably this could look like 3 meals and 2 small snacks, eat when you are hungry, stop just before feeling overly full, and yes we can eat for pleasure, however, eat these highly palatable foods in moderation. There is of course so much more that can be expanded here. Please if you want more specialized information in this department find a nutritionist, I personally recommend someone who is a Functional Nutrition Therapy Practitioner. It’s important to get enough calories in your body per day and hydrate yourself effectively. When we don’t do this we risk throwing everything off. 

Movement. We have all read the research and know that 30-mins of movement each day is the most beneficial for your mental health. However, this is something I have to beg clients to do. I get it, about 2 years ago I would have never said I was someone who liked working out. I remember when first starting to work with my trainer in our initial call I told her that I wanted to be a person who enjoyed working out. Fast forward, I now do! But a lot had to change around my mindset and learning about what got me excited to work out. However, far before that, I took my dog, Ellie, on a walk every morning for a minimum of 30-mins. This habit started for my dog's health, she needed the exercise not only for her physical health but her mental health. This dog without exercise is a nightmare! More and more I kept doing this the more and more I enjoyed getting outside each early morning. For you, start by finding time in your day where you can set aside 30-mins to do something active. This can be walking, going to the gym, hiking, workout videos, etc. I don’t care what it is, just get your heart rate elevated a bit. 

Joy. We need this in our life. We need to have small things that make us happy or be able to find joy in the small things in life. A simple way to do this is to take time to look at things in your life that made you happy. My husband and like jokingly say to each other “sometimes don’t you just look at sh*t?!?” But think about it, when was the last like you looked at a flower, noticed the wisps of clouds in the sky, or watched a sunrise or set? These moments are really lovely and can help bring small sparks of joy into your life. Let’s be real, life is not all sunshine and rainbows. We have bad days at work, our expectations are not met, we get bad news, or just sometimes life can just feel like too much. But you can take small commercial breaks from that pain and engage with something that does bring you joy. Also, don’t get me wrong there is so much you can do then just your sight to bring joy, that is just a small example of what you can do. But have you ever taken the time you really savor your cup of coffee or tea in the morning? When was the last time you treated yourself to an activity you really love? When was the last time you talk with a friend or family member and laughed until your stomach hurt? Don’t forget that these moments big or small add up and help us get through the time between weekends, vacations, and holidays. This is the cup you fill! I promise you there are many ways it’s being dumped out. 

I invite you to take one thing from this post today and try to make a shift in your life. May it be slowly improving your sleep routine. Preparing your meals or snack for the following day. Get outside on a walk. Or just take some time to look at sh*t that makes you happy.