08 - Stress During The Holidays
This topic is frequently talked about each year during this time. The holidays can be stressful for some and for others it is blissful. No matter where you fall in that continuum I hope you can gain some helpful tips on how to have more balance, enjoyment, and peace as we round out the year.
So what can make the holidays so stressful? I believe it's the change in our routine. What do I mean by change in routine? Well, I think that is anything that falls outside of what you typically do during the other months of the year. If you think back to my posts in June and July, I talk about how summer is often another shift in our routines and how that can throw us off. This winter shift is not much different but I have a few other ideas around how it can be more successful. The main scenario I will be working off of is the typical traveling or having family over for the holidays. So imagine what your holiday plans look like with family and friends and enjoy learning how you can best support yourself during this time.
Having a Support Person
This is by far my favorite and #1 tip of any gathering. Have a person who is also attending a party or family gathering that gets what can make this gathering difficult for you, validates you, and might be in the same boat. Prior to the holiday gathering talk on the phone or meet up with this person so you two can both share what you are going through, what you are needing, and how you two can come together and help each other. For example, if you often feel fatigued during long family gatherings and find it hard to get away from the group. This person can try to check on you periodically throughout the gathering and see if you want to set outside or go somewhere quiet. It can be less awkward when you are going with someone else outside vs by yourself.
Having a Plan
Going into holiday parties with a pre-set plan for yourself can be highly beneficial. Additionally, have a plan set out with others if you plan on going as a group. Having a plan with yourself can look like, “I am going to go to the company business party for 1 hour, after that time is up I will check-in with myself and see if I want to stay longer or go home.” If you are going with others, you might want to address who is driving and when each of you wants to leave. Keep in mind if you are carpooling to a gathering it’s important that everyone is on the same page and if someone else plans changes that they have identified how they want to get home. Also, having a plan can look like, “After dinner with the family I want to take a 30-min walk by myself.” Simply you are asking yourself before the event, what am I needing and how can I make that happen?
Taking Small Breaks
By now you might be sensing a theme in this post. I am driving home this idea of pacing yourself and taking small breaks. Sometimes we need a little moment to reset and align ourselves. I encourage you to take a quiet moment in the bathroom, spare bedroom, outside, etc, to just take a few deep breaths. Being around a lot of people can be dysregulating! Also, if you drink take small breaks between alcoholic drinks. Have some water or bubbly water. I have personally found that as long as you have something in your hand people don’t bother you. Plus, sipping bubbly water from a wine glass can also make you feel extra fancy! Lastly, don’t forget you can step away from difficult people and conversations. Nothing like excusing yourself to the bathroom to get yourself out of an awkward conversation, am I right?!?
Setting Boundaries
Lastly, I have said it before and I will say it again. Set those boundaries!!! Whatever that may be for you, you deserve to acknowledge your end and request that others respect it. If you only plan to have one drink and friends are pushing you to have more, say so! If there is a conversation you don’t feel comfortable having tell that person. But also, don’t forget if you have previously set up a support person they too can help set and hold boundaries with others. You might not feel comfortable, but that person might feel more than happy to tell Gam-Gam that you don’t want to talk about politics.
I hope this helps get you thinking about what you are needing this holiday season and how to get those needs met. As I mentioned, check out my June and July posts. Yes, these are more focused on summer related topics but you might be able to apply some of these things during the fall and winter festivities.